My dog Calvin died this year. He was fifteen and losing his ability to move. The last time I saw him, he was responsive, yet it was clear he was increasingly uncomfortable in his body. He always lit up when he saw me; sadly, I think he was always thinking, “At last you’ve come home.” I was not.

The last time I saw Calvin.

In fact, I lost Calvin in my divorce over 10 years ago and, after a few years of occasional visits in Brooklyn, I stopped getting to spend regular time with him. I know we both missed each other. (I’ve had a number of dogs in my life; we got Beverley in 2015 and, when she does something I wish she wouldn’t, I remind her that she’s neither my first dog nor my last.)

I wrote two poems about Calvin, both of which appear in the anthology, Dogs Singing. One, in the voice of Calvin, recounts his origin story, based upon what we were told by the PASPCA. The other is not so much about Calvin as about my growing restlessness in the home of my previous marriage. Calvin serves as a character, if not a symbol, along with mining bees and a redbud tree.

Because Calvin was put down earlier this year, Emily Berry’s poem, “Dream of a Dog,” which appeared originally in Granta last February and in her most recent collection, Unexhausted Time, struck a particular chord in me when I read it. Berry’s poem appears about a quarter of the way through the book and, after a series of untitled poems, it is the first poem with a title in the book and closes the book’s first, unnumbered section. (As readers, poets always look for things like this in a collection; there is usually a significance to such placements, signaling an intention on the part of the poet, as if to say, “pay attention to this one.”)

It’s also one of the few poems in the collection where, in the words of critic Steven Lovatt, writing in The Friday Poem, “the tone is for once gentle, undemonstrative and open to outside impressions.” Berry’s work has always struck me as characterized by a so-called “flat style,” which Noreen Masud, in an article in the journal Textual Practice, explains “involves postures of poetic melodrama which state themselves ‘flatly’, without apology.”

Berry’s “Dream of a Dog,” while it does use a flat style, also consists of one long sentence, or rather a fragment of a sentence, for it ends not with a full-stop period, but an ellipsis. The ellipsis hints there is more to come or, perhaps, that the reader could circle back to the beginning of the poem for it ends where it begins, with the words, “My life” as if the poem could be an endlessly cycling dream. 

It also causes me to question, is it the “dream of a dog,” as in, the speaker is dreaming of a dog (line 19 begins, “if I had a dog”) or is it a dream a dog is having, complete with its sighs. (My dog Beverley barks in her dreams, along with sighs, and chases things; I wish I knew what.)  

Emily Berry is the author of three poetry books published by Faber in the UK: Unexhausted Time (2022), Stranger, Baby (2017) and Dear Boy (2013). You can read more about her and her work at: https://www.emilyberry.co.uk/

Here is her poem, “Dream of a Dog”:

Dream of a Dog

My life, and all our lives, I said sleepily,
so soft now, like the neck of a sleeping dog,
I lay my hand on it, as you have lain your hand
on mine (on my life), this tenderly, as the dog
noses deeper into sleep, as she sighs the way
a dreaming dog does, I wish my life was in
your dream, dog, I think it is, and she turns
onto her back so her stomach rises pale and
softly furred, and your words are travelling
through me, or, no, they travel over me, the
way a breeze makes fabric touch us, the fabric
of half-drawn curtains billowing from an open
window, as I pass and glance out on such
a day, the dog whimpering softly in sleep;
perhaps it’s that you say I should have faith,
or that you have faith, in increments, while
my shoes are nosing through leaves and the
dog is alert or disappears (but she comes back),
if I had a dog she would be a kind of faith,
I would lift her onto my shoulder, the points
of her ears very elfin and her face, serious,
tilted to regard you, she would listen and run
and then, from a distance, up a slight incline,
when I call her, look back, then run on,
and I do believe in increments, as when
the dog brings me, in her dream, pinecones,
when she wriggles in my arms, her ribcage
strung like an archer’s bow, when her paws
bend at the wrist in supplication, I do not see
the slow wheels in my blood turning, but
I ride them, I do not see what I know
and everything beneath that, which I may
come to know, or may not, the slow slow
discernment of the deep layer, air bubbles
rising from the dead zone, the dog in her
dream talismanic on a hilltop, the soft tips
of her ears in sleep, a slight sigh, all my life.

–Emily Berry, from Unexhausted Time

Calvin as we found him, October 2009

My pitbull Calvin was adopted a year and a half ago from the PSPCA.

When we asked about his story, we heard a horrible tale of abuse and abandonment followed by rescue and recovery and, ultimately, his second chance.

I composed a poem out of Calvin’s story for Jessie Lendennie’s wonderful book, Dogs Singing: A Tribute Anthology,"" published by the Salmon Press.

 

Here is my poem,

 

“Calvin’s Story”

 

“Make it stop, make it stop,”

was all I kept thinking;

my eyes closed, some

bully biting my body, limbs,

tearing flesh and hair—

Boys pinned me to the pavement,

each one holding a leg, holding

me down on my back.

Another boy – so there were 5?

–pressing the bully into me

head lashing at anything

it could grab with canines.

I’m surprised I didn’t black out—

Then, I remember a scuffle.

I was almost unconscious,

drifting in an out—

Two men freed my limbs,

but still I couldn’t move.

One chased the boys

while the other lifted me,

cradled me, into a van.

I’ll never forget the smell

–camphor, maybe, almost

lavender, medicinal.

The gentle one dabbed my

wounds with a wet cloth,

stroked me slowly, dabbed

–there was a lot of blood;

were there sirens? I don’t

remember sirens. (Should

there have been sirens?)

The next thing I remember

is being on a cold, metal

table – a nurse or doctor

looking me over – another

shaking her head. The first

mumbles something (all I hear

is “Dog,” that word they have

for us), then I’m sure she said,

“This one’s a keeper, let’s give

him a second chance…”

I wake in a crate, damp towel

beneath me, head swirling.

I must be in the “pound,”

there are others barking.

(I wish they would be quiet;

my head hurts.)  Then

the pretty nurse or doctor

comes in, mumbles to me;

I look up, try to smile

(this seems to please her),

and I slip in and out of sleep.

Months later,

I’m sitting on a street corner,

leashed, with some of the nice pound

people.  A lot of people pass by,

they pat my head, mumble

in that way they do, until one

couple lingers (a child or two

are with them, I can’t recall).

They mumble to the pound people;

one of them (Alpha, I’ll call him)

walks me; he has a firm hand,

but is gentle, in control.

Oh how I wish for a forever

family…but I don’t

want to get my hopes up.

Then, the day is over,

back to the pound – sigh –

guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Next night, however, there

is Alpha, and he’s brought

some others. (Oh, let me be

on best behavior so they will

take me home.) They seem

to like when I snuggle, listen,

take commands, lick the cute

young ones – they are salty sweet!

Days go by after that night,

the pound people tell me

to get ready.  Maybe, just maybe,

this is a good sign. Oh, I get so

excited my butt wiggles faster and

faster.  Finally, the day comes;

Alpha arrives with the others,

and I think, This is it. I’m going home

with my forever family…to a home;

home at last for my second chance.

 

–Scott Edward Anderson